Top 10 selfish comic book related wishes

10. That what seems like the recent trend towards really long titles for superhero comics would continue because for some reason I can’t pinpoint, I really dig it, even though I haven’t read any of the comics in question (e.g., Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, Supergirl and The Legion of Super-Heroes, All Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder).

9. That I knew about more books I could name when they were still fresh so that I didn’t always feel late to the party.

8. That every time I went to the comic book shop I wouldn’t forget at least 3 GNs that I’ve been wanting to pick up for a while.

7. That I had more bookshelves so that my growing number of GNs would not be forcing all of my other books into awkward piles all over the place.

6. That I could sell my floppies faster, using the money to buy GNs, so I could get the long-boxes out of my office.

5. That I knew more people outside the Internet who I could talk to about comics; That the few people I do know outside the Internet who have any passing knowledge of comics didn’t either A) talk about them with a kind of nostalgic condescension usually followed by tired Batman/Robin gay jokes and almost always "the thing I always wondered about the Hulk is, why don’t his pants come off when he changes?" or B) read only Spawn and things like Spawn.

4. That the following mini-series and storylines would hurry up and get done already so that I can get the GNs: Batman and The Monster Men, Batman: Year One Hundred, Astro City: The Dark Age, and "Planet Hulk" (and probably others I’m forgetting).

3. That the horrific flood of Victorian era literature forced upon me this semester (from not one, but two classes) would abate both so I have more time to read and write and think about comics - and also so I don’t have to fucking read and write and think the pompous, elitist, imperialist (but usually well-written) Victorian era literature; that I had known that the professor of one of the aforementioned Victorian-thick classes was teaching another course which included examination of The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, Vol. 1; That I could stop thinking and reading and writing about comic books for a bit so I could just get through this Rudyard Kipling shit and forget about it.

2. That I had more money and less expenses so I could buy more graphic novels; That I had more time to read and think and write about comics; That I had more time to read more comics that had nothing to do with superheroes (which may sound silly, except that crimefighters are not only my main comic book interest, but also my main academic interest so they have to take priority); That someone would pay me to read and think and write about comics; That I had more time to work on the superhero prose fiction I’ve finally started working on; That I had the time to finally flip through the copy of Absolute Watchmen my girlfriend bought me for Christmas.

1. That I had the time to write and post reviews of every single volume of Dark Horse’s Lone Wolf and Cub reprints; That I felt the same kind of excitement for other comics as I do when I know there are volumes of Lone Wolf and Cub on their way in the mail; That I had the time and money to get more volumes of Lone Wolf and Cub RIGHT NOW; That all the comics I read had the same level of depth, beauty, and complexity as Lone Wolf and Cub; That when I finally buy and finish reading all 28 volumes of Lone Wolf and Cub I could have the memories of the stories selectively chiseled out of my brain so I could repeat the experience; That that asshole hadn’t shot Daigoro’s little puppy in "Hunger Town."

Fucker.